tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post5045915300393240176..comments2023-06-26T07:03:26.219-07:00Comments on I am Mitch Mayne. I am an openly gay, active Latter-day Saint.: A parent's letter to their family: Our son is gay--and we love himMitch Maynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01581529961840637683noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-21505024233017277822013-06-22T01:33:05.195-07:002013-06-22T01:33:05.195-07:00Dear Mitch, please forward this message to Wendy M...Dear Mitch, please forward this message to Wendy Montgomery. Thank you.<br />-----------------------<br />Dear Wendy,<br /><br />I'm Kriszti Kotka from Hungary, we don't know each other. This afternoon I read your story, then Mitch Mayne's blog entry about your son, Jordan, being gay, and how you have handled this new situation and I must say: I have never felt such a burning desire to... become a MOTHER. I felt the enormity of the deep-rooted love you feel for your child that permeates your every day; that allows you to change YOURSELF and how you see things; and the passionate will with which you go out there to find the way to help him feel normal, accepted, and loved.<br /><br />I love my husband to death but we don't have children yet and I KNOW, INSTINCTIVELY, that the love you feel for your spouse is not the same kind of love you feel for your own flesh and blood you give life to. I can barely wait for the moment that I can experience that feeling.<br /><br />I just want to say thank you for giving me a glimpse of what that feeling is going to be like.<br /><br />With true admiration,<br />Kriszti KotkaKrisztihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17602507797707165608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-80705086394308167942012-08-27T16:38:28.870-07:002012-08-27T16:38:28.870-07:00Jordan is lucky to have parents who can love him a...Jordan is lucky to have parents who can love him as our Father in Heaven loves him. Tom and Wendy, all parents can learn lessons from you in how to love their children, regardless of their sexual orientation. Jerilynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14280804638439272344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-1002617184598637222012-08-27T13:27:04.413-07:002012-08-27T13:27:04.413-07:00Way to go Montgomerys! You're setting a marvel...Way to go Montgomerys! You're setting a marvelous example of parenting. I hope that I can be as sensitive to my children's feelings and needs as you have been to Jordan's. Jordan is an awesome kid. janeannechovyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01965405250604022222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-41902706238462396402012-08-27T11:48:02.395-07:002012-08-27T11:48:02.395-07:00Mitch, Tom, Wendy, and Jordan,
This post is so in...Mitch, Tom, Wendy, and Jordan,<br /><br />This post is so inspiring! I am just now talking to my children about homosexuality and recently invited two of my very best (gay) friends over for dinner with us. We spent the evening playing old board games. My kids took to them right away, and thanks to openness all around, my children have a positive and personal experience with homosexuality. <br /><br />You are all very brave for being so willing to share your stories, and your courage is so needed these days. Thank you so much for being willing to put yourselves out in the public eye. Good vibes to all of you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-23769081705450905002012-08-27T11:38:05.518-07:002012-08-27T11:38:05.518-07:00Tom and Wendy, thank you for sharing this, and for...Tom and Wendy, thank you for sharing this, and for standing up for your son. Thank you for articulating so well the struggles that a gay person in the LDS church has. Thank you for giving this rather jaded LDS lesbian a little bit of hope for change in the church.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-14140378173799349182012-08-27T11:37:58.962-07:002012-08-27T11:37:58.962-07:00Tom & Wendy, thank you so much for publicly sh...Tom & Wendy, thank you so much for publicly sharing your thoughts and struggles. I know it's difficult to open your hearts like this, but it's obviously that your family is so full of love. All of you have nothing to be ashamed about. Keep speaking up and talking about these very important issues, because while others might fight back and disagree, ultimately, they cannot deny the Christ-like love exuding from your hearts. They'll understand one day if we all keep trying and sharing these stories. <br /><br />We're behind you 100% and support both of you and your son. Namahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13763009615417353433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-91186144033805958382012-08-27T11:32:33.038-07:002012-08-27T11:32:33.038-07:00This is amazing, thank you for sharing with love a...This is amazing, thank you for sharing with love and courage. We need more people like youChristine Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13021978614468481218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-75501270405722080462012-08-27T11:27:51.540-07:002012-08-27T11:27:51.540-07:00I shared this blog post on my facebook page last w...I shared this blog post on my facebook page last week, and yesterday after church, a neighbor thanked me for posting it, he was touched, and shed some tears as he read it. He also said he used it in his EQ lesson. <br /><br />Thanks again for sharing your story. It means a lot that there are more brave families out there, speaking out on issues close to their hearts. The more we do so, the more things will change. Alicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02784160644947020521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-31581687040766269372012-08-26T08:26:58.836-07:002012-08-26T08:26:58.836-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Stacie https://www.blogger.com/profile/17530524927688460793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-3640896017293265972012-08-26T08:24:33.648-07:002012-08-26T08:24:33.648-07:00Thank you for pointing out that it was through God...Thank you for pointing out that it was through God's divine intervention that Joran's dear mother was prompted to learn about his homosexuality. This speaks volumes.Stacie https://www.blogger.com/profile/17530524927688460793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-47530635687845199712012-08-26T02:01:25.452-07:002012-08-26T02:01:25.452-07:00Jordan clearly has not only incredibly parents, bu...Jordan clearly has not only incredibly parents, but incredible personal integrity as well. His plea for universal tolerance despite the ways he has been misused--indeed, in part because of it--reveals a deeply compassionate and precociously wise soul. God bless you always, Jordan, and may many arms embrace you with much love.<br /><br />Janet Garrard-WillisUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16919956944992391708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-28194020264251338082012-08-24T15:50:13.039-07:002012-08-24T15:50:13.039-07:00I think it is so hard to open your private thought...I think it is so hard to open your private thoughts and struggles to strangers. Thank you so much for giving a gift of insight into a sacred experience in your family's life. It has given me perspective, and filled me with warmth, sadness, and joy.<br /><br />It is easy to be critical of how someone acts when you are above the action and have no emotional investment. It is so hard because we are all human, and because what you have written in your journal was not scripted it is human, and therefore worth so much more. No one in the world claims to be perfect, and you and I are no exception. You have done so much more than just tolerate your son, you have waded through unknown and very uncomfortable territory which make you need to re-understand your most basic beliefs. A few years would not be enough time to do this transformation justice, and you and your son have already reached out to help people who might need some perspective and support. What is clear is that you love your son, and have enough love for others to reach out. While I read these comments, it is so hard not to get frustrated with comments on both sides, and I was just impressed with the Christ-like and loving tone you have all shown.<br /><br />I voted for prop 8 when I lived in California, because after reading the rights guaranteed citizens in civil unions, what I understood was it was exactly the same. I thought it was a good compromise. I am not sure that I made the right choice, but the beauty of life is we have the capacity for becoming better every day, and I hope we all can allow our neighbors that same benefit.the Bianca of Bianca's Closethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15146811470607856100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-79743714301206153762012-08-24T13:10:57.955-07:002012-08-24T13:10:57.955-07:00Tom and Wendy, Thank you for posting this and for ...Tom and Wendy, Thank you for posting this and for handling your son's situation in such a constructive, powerful way. We have a gay son who suffered in silence through his teenage years because he was too afraid to tell us and too worried that others would find out. If more families with this situation could be open like you are (and us, belatedly), our fellow church members would know how to love and support gay people. Young gay youth would not have to suffer so much and everyone could help them along the way. That's how it should be.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05238214195837442916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-81084640063608852682012-08-24T11:37:37.434-07:002012-08-24T11:37:37.434-07:00I especially like the 3rd point you make about thi...I especially like the 3rd point you make about things you learned. Being gay is not just about sex - any more than being heterosexual is just about sex. Gay people are no different than straight people when it comes to relationships. Like all human beings, they desire emotional, spiritual and physical attachment. They feel the same compulsion to fall in love, find a companion and share their life with someone. The desire for physical intimacy is just one aspect of the spectrum of feelings and emotions that humans, whether gay or straight, experience in a relationship.<br /> I know that that is true and it is probably the biggest problem amongst members of the Church. It is not a sin to be gay. It is a part of what makes you you. And God loves the aspects of our personality that are associated with sexuality, many of which have nothing to do with sex. I would like to point out, though, that this line "Our church is all about the eternal family and the only group of people who have no hope of attaining this are homosexuals." is inaccurate. Yes, It is terribly difficult to feel like an abomination, or that you simply have no place in the plan of salvation and I don't mean to diminish that. But the Plan of salvation would simply not be true if God did not extend it to each and every individual. It's not fair to take away a person's hope if that is what they want. I am gay. I am mormon. I made a choice after recieving personal revelation that God loves me just the way I am to marry a man(and not like i love you but i am creeped out by you, or I love you but will be dissappointed with you if you choose to be with a woman). I don't think that that is the 'right' thing for everybody. But it's my choice. And if we really believe that God will help us obtain all our righteous desires, then EVERYONE can have hope! I'm gay and I will always be gay. I am proud of who I am and I know God is too. Jordan if you meet a man you love and want to commit to, I hope that you have a wonderful life with him, and feel the love of your God and your fellow church members. And I hope you can get legally married, because lets be honest, insurance is a beautiful thing. But if you meet a girl whom you can love and decide to marry in the temple, that can work too. I'll be honest, when I married my husband, it was difficult because I'm not naturally attracted to him, and it will continue to be difficult, but as long as i don't have to change who i am it sure beats celibacy. I do love him, more than any other PERSON in the world. And we have a beautiful baby, who one day I hope will be proud of his gay mom. If you ever need to talk, feel free to contact me or my husband. My baby can't talk yet, so we'll have to leave it at that :) Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02934134604047965953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-57779315170938212062012-08-23T07:36:26.911-07:002012-08-23T07:36:26.911-07:00Kudos to you. You are true Pioneers. Our forefathe...Kudos to you. You are true Pioneers. Our forefathers were willing to sacrifice everything to establish God's Kingdom on earth. You are forging a path for the families of our beloved gay brothers and sisters. Thank you for doing this, a special thank you to Jordan!Debbie Perezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13421673774714515831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-53004443999689185372012-08-22T18:36:30.282-07:002012-08-22T18:36:30.282-07:00What was stated in the letter in regards to Prop 8...What was stated in the letter in regards to Prop 8 was showing that it was supported in the PAST and is most definitely NOT supported now. His family will have a front row seat to his wedding of the partner of his choice and he will be embraced and loved just like any other member of the family. There is NOTHING that will ever be done to drive a wedge there. Family comes first - ALWAYS. And frankly, all this is probably about a decade off. How about you let him get through high school first?Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00018432943954647048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-45163283574460385832012-08-22T18:26:07.345-07:002012-08-22T18:26:07.345-07:00Here is my standing ovation to your family!! I app...Here is my standing ovation to your family!! I applaud you for letting LOVE guide your life into further exploration of the fear, doubts and questions that surfaced upon discovering your son is gay. He is a VERY lucky boy. You are a wonderful example to others who may face this one day. I admire your family's courage and honesty!Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16926045236247525649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-13812436056285610922012-08-22T16:21:32.906-07:002012-08-22T16:21:32.906-07:00The answer is actually pretty simple: people progr...The answer is actually pretty simple: people progress and if we find better and more Christ-like ways to apply and implement the gospel, we should do just that. By your reckoning, anyone who has a change of heart is a hypocrite. It doesn’t exactly leave much room to gain any allies.<br /> <br />As far as Jordan wanting to be out publicly, that was a long, thought out question that all of us debated. Time will tell if it is the correct one. For sure Jordan has followed our lead, but he has been very brave. He feels that if we can help just one person like him have a better life, he was willing to help. Although we approached this with a healthy fear of the unexpected and the prejudices that are out there, here have been some of the results:<br /> <br />1) Jordan is happier. He is not hiding in fear.<br />2) He is not alone. He is secure in his family’s support and now many, many of his friends and adults.<br />3) He knows who his allies are. Many would never have known he was gay and he would have feared the worst in their reactions.<br />4) For 2 years, Jordan has withdrawn from his friends both at school and at Church. Just about everyone has put an arm around him and reassured him that he has a place both at school and at Church. Instead of his next four years being lived in isolation and fear, he can move forward confident of his friends, family and support.<br />5) As a Teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood, he knows that his Bishop is behind him and that living a chaste life makes him as worthy as any other young man in the ward.<br />6) Because Jordan is out, we as parents can take upon ourselves to educate and be an influence on how our friends and family treat him. In addition, we (Jordan included) hope to positively help young kids in similar situations and hopefully influence their parents in how they react and treat their children.<br />7) Because Jordan is out, we as parents can establish the expectation among our friends, family and community in how Jordan is to be treated. Anyone with a problem with that can deal with us instead of harassing him. Part of my responsibility as a parent is to shield my son.<br /><br />Tom Montogmery<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-39710917611183811742012-08-22T16:16:22.760-07:002012-08-22T16:16:22.760-07:00Yet, as difficult as many of these trials are, man...Yet, as difficult as many of these trials are, many of them can be overcome, smoking, laziness, alcoholism and people find sympathy and understanding because there is a workable framework in the church for how do deal with it. Being gay however is something you are, not something you "overcome" and there is no way to reconcile it with current LDS doctrine, and no current policy that effectively deals with it. In that way it is "unfair" by comparison. This unfairness is what led a good friend of mine to commit suicide and many other people I know attempt it. They cannot reconcile being Mormon with being gay, the feelings are always there, period. Mr Weed is an exception to the rule, and his life is very far from the norm that people experience. Besides I suspect he is bisexual enough to make this particular sacrifice.Johnny 5https://www.blogger.com/profile/09259947924063977037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-47214344999753179882012-08-22T14:54:06.925-07:002012-08-22T14:54:06.925-07:00Let me first say it's wonderful that you are a...Let me first say it's wonderful that you are accepting of Jordan and the way he was made. It’s wonderful that you are trying to open up and learn about new perspectives. I want to share another perspective with you which is not meant to cut you down or deny how much you love your son. <br /><br />I can say as a lesbian with a Jehovah's Witness mother and Mormon brother (and family) your "support" means nothing if you don't wholly support him. When he is an adult and meets the person he wants to spend his life with and you tell him "I'm sorry Jordan, I can't come to your wedding/commitment ceremony/event etc. because while I support you, my religion and I don't support same sex relationships or marriage and your choice to have one" you will effectively drive a wedge between the two of you. What kind of "choice" is not having a relationship? You were able to choose the person you married and you have all the federal rights and protections that any other married couple has. There are 1,138 benefits, rights and protections provided on the basis of marital status in Federal law which same sex couples do not have. <br /><br />My Mormon brother and his family support me and my family 100%. They do not support Prop 8 and they will not vote for any person or rule that denies equal rights simply because of the way I’m made. My mother has only recently (I came out 10 years ago) realized that supporting my MARRIAGE to my same sex partner has nothing to do with her values or religion. She has only recently realized that unconditional love is unconditional and saying she supports me means she needs to support me in everything. My marriage is not about her, just like Jordan's future relationships are not about you. By supporting Prop 8 and denying rights to same sex couples you are 100% telling Jordan you will only support him on YOUR terms and will never support him fully for who he is. I think a lot of the gay community stays quiet about this point because they are just happy to not be hated. It’s not enough to not kick him out of your house, it’s not enough to just “tolerate” or not hate him. It will only be enough when all humans have the same rights and by not supporting that, you are not supporting him. Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10549651726099260884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-5162049624878047222012-08-22T14:31:11.222-07:002012-08-22T14:31:11.222-07:00I completely agree that we as members of the churc...I completely agree that we as members of the church should love everyone. It's important that all are loved despite any part of their lives. I think it's horrible when gay people are treated with hate or disdain. However, I feel like people always want to make out that gay people's lives are so unfair. We ALL have trials. Heavenly Father gave us all trials that seem unbearable and make us feel as if we have no way out. That is what turns us to Him. And brings us to a level of a tiny bit of understanding of what our Savior went through. It's all part of the plan. As Josh Weed, a gay Mormon, put it, no matter what way of life we choose we have to make sacrifices. Candacehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12410893392797720780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-74385019579201675292012-08-22T14:16:35.640-07:002012-08-22T14:16:35.640-07:00You expressed the feelings of a parent who learns ...You expressed the feelings of a parent who learns they have a gay child very well. At first it is as if they have died and a look alike is in their place. You do mourn for the hopes and dreams that are suddenly lost. The emotional pain is indescribable. I cried and prayed until there were no tears left and it felt like there were no prayers left. Then I prayed and asked "What am I to do? How do I deal with this?" and the answer came, "Just love him". <br />The most helpful thing that I did was start asking myself if I was being selfish in trying to deal with issues with my son. When I had a choice to make I would ask myself if I was trying to avoid some perceived embarrassment, or was I truly thinking of the best interest of my son. As time went by I was able to overcome the fear and selfishness and work with my son to help him have the best future possible.patdwhitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11505644593606923870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-91249640761467466572012-08-22T12:14:37.391-07:002012-08-22T12:14:37.391-07:00Our only purpose in bringing up this point is so t...<i>Our only purpose in bringing up this point is so that we might have an extra measure of empathy and compassion for our gay brothers and sisters. Many of us, Wendy and I included, gave of our time and resources fighting for prop 8 in California, but have we spent one moment of our time to reclaim or show love to some of these rejected souls? And we wonder why our efforts are perceived as hate</i><br /><br />A few things I don't understand:<br /><br />1. Does your 13-y.o. son want you to out him publicly?<br />2. You supported (and as far as I can see, still do) the denial of basic civil rights to your fellow LGBT Californians. Don't you realize that this is--to quote you--"We should welcome them with open arms into our congregations with love and acceptance, no matter their status or circumstances. We are simply asking that we love them as the Savior does. Love Jordan as you always have. This does not require any doctrinal changes or threaten the sanctity of marriage. It might just make us all a bit more Christ-like--" complete hypocrisy? It's fine to love them, but they don't deserve the same rights as everyone else.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-11019373103258726072012-08-22T10:05:50.789-07:002012-08-22T10:05:50.789-07:00AS an adult homosexual woman who has had to leave ...AS an adult homosexual woman who has had to leave the LDS faith, I applaud you for your compassion and understanding of your sons struggles. I wish you success in your mission to educate the LDS community and your son a beautiful, successful, happy life.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01918190590657229067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5835564038959249094.post-5595972684141167202012-08-22T10:00:36.158-07:002012-08-22T10:00:36.158-07:00Thank you Tom and Wendy and Jordan for sharing you...Thank you Tom and Wendy and Jordan for sharing your story. I think the best thing we can do with our challenges in life is to share them to make the pathway easier for others. <br /><br />Thank you, as aways, Mitch, for giving a place to share these stories. Alicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02784160644947020521noreply@blogger.com