Friends-
It is with much thought
and disappointment that I write this post. I am publicly withdrawing my support
for the Mormon LGBT Conference “Circling the Wagons,” and have resigned my
position as member of the board of directors.
“Circling the Wagons,” to
date, has been a wonderful experience. It has offered an alternate view for
LGBT Mormons and their families who wish to allow gay Mormons to live their
lives authentically as LGBT individuals. It has given hope to many, and been a
great breath of fresh air from the outdated guidance that has dominated the
Mormon LGBT landscape for decades.
Unfortunately, that has
changed. The conference being held in Salt
Lake City this November features speakers and messages
that I, as an openly gay Mormon, cannot support. These include:
- Josh Weed, who is well known for his individual choice as a gay man to be married to a woman
- Steven Frei, President of North Star, an organization that positions LGBT Mormons as “struggling with same-sex attraction” and encourages them to change or suppress their orientation
The messages that will be
delivered in this November’s “Circling the Wagons” are in direct conflict to
everything my heart and spirit tell me about the nature of being a gay Mormon.
North Star encourages LGBT Mormons to view themselves as broken and afflicted, while
Mr. Weed’s message is routinely co-opted by many within our faith as the
preferred path for LGBT Mormon youth, despite his insistence that it may not be the
path for everyone.
I have spent many years
holding the belief that we as LGBT individuals are perfectly fine in the eyes
of our Father—we don’t need to lead other people’s versions of our lives. Our
path is uniquely our own, and just because humans don’t quite yet understand
how we fit in our Father’s kingdom doesn’t mean our Father hasn’t known all
along. And I have spent many years helping others who’ve struggled inside the
confines of existing folklore-based policies—including many depressed and
suicidal youth.
As a member of the board,
it is my responsibility to help design direction and strategy for these events,
including our mission. This conference represents a significant shift in my
understanding of our purpose, and is one on which I was not consulted and do
not support.
What is most disturbing to
me is that we now have evidence-based research from The Family AcceptanceProject that demonstrate that encouraging LGBT children
to suppress or change their orientation is actually a factor that contributes
greatly to health risks of LGBT youth—including suicide.
According to the impeccable research done by Dr.
Caitlin Ryan of San Francisco State University, LGBT young people whose parents reject them are: More than eight times
as likely to attempt suicide, nearly six times as likely to report high levels
of depression, more than three times as likely to use illegal drugs, and more
than three times as likely to be at high risk for HIV and sexually transmitted
diseases.
An LDS oriented version of the booklet that suggests
ways families can insure a safer life for their LGBT children, co-authored by
former bishop Robert Rees, is found at the site mentioned above.
In addition, based on
scientific data from the American Psychological Association demonstrating that
conversion therapy (encouraging people to change or suppress their orientation)
poses significant risks to youth (including depression, anxiety, and
self-harm), has been banned in the state of California. To quote the author of
this article, “Young people in this country must be allowed to grow up knowing
that they are accepted and loved no matter whom they love.”
Given these factual sources
of scholarship, it not only feels unethical to give platform to these messages,
but it is, quite frankly, dangerous. I am disappointed that the leadership of “Circling
the Wagons” does not recognize the threat to LGBT Mormon youth they implicitly
endorse with this conference. Combined with the lack of inclusion on a major
shift in direction, I must respectfully withdraw my support for and involvement
in the organization.
I wish my friends at “Circling
the Wagons” well, and send my kindest regards to Mr. Weed and those within
North Star. But I cannot be part of an organization that disseminates messages
that are proven to increase the risk of suicide and other serious health issues
to the same group of people that I seek to help.
Thank you for your courage to stand strong for a "healthy", though extremely difficult (I presume), alternative to the messages being sent forth in the upcoming conference.
ReplyDeleteI am sad that the Circling the Wagons Conference is taking that turn, but I am so glad that you recognize how harmful these messages can be for LGBTQ youth and, thus, are withdrawing your support. I just really admire you for all that you do in this area. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMitch, I have to ask what you hope to accomplish by taking such a public and rather dogmatic stance. I do not believe one bit in what Josh Weed or North Star stand for, but I am participating in the conference because it does no good to draw lines in sand and spit at each other. I am one of the speakers of the conference, and my views are in direct opposition to those of North Star, Evergreen, etc. There are no doubt others, on the other side of the divide, who are refusing to support the conference because people like me and Allen Miller are speaking. But again, what good does either position do. The purpose of the conference is promote dialogue, not withdraw from the field. Your position saddens me, particularly because of the responsibility you bear as someone who has established a name for himself with the greater gay Mormon community. I urge you to reconsider.
ReplyDeleteif you're able to be part of it, my friend, go forth and conquer. I cannot be. My conscience will not let me. These are the very same messages that cause LGBT Mormons to take their own lives. Period. To me that is absolutely not something I will be associated with or encourage others to be. Dogmatic, perhaps--but when it comes to the lives of our youth I think a clear and distinct line must be drawn. Godspeed.
DeleteI again urge you to reconsider your comments about the "direction" the conference has taken simply because two of the many speakers at the conference represent positions that you do not agree with. You may consider that you are taking the moral high ground, but you are, in my opinion, ceding the ground.
ReplyDeleteI respect your opinion, Joseph. But it is not one that I share. Again, I do want you to succeed--I just can't endorse this or encourage anyone else to do so.
DeleteJB you are incorrect, Mitch is a very smart, brave and wonderfully respectable man. His decision to do so, was no doubt well thought out.
DeleteI fully agree with you Mitch, Circling the wagons has taken a turn for the worse, and having Josh Weed as a speaker as well as Northstar to me is sickening!!!
MBB is the same way. I feel that both groups are being influenced to take this turn. Using the very distasteful term "SSA" instead of referring to us as our community LGBTQ.
I agree with JB. By withdrawing from "circling the wagons" you withdraw from your chance to keep your opinion center stage. In other words you cant win by not fighting.
DeleteI have to say that it is a very tough choice. Mitch if the direction of the conference is such that there is no redeming quality than I agree with you. But there is an extremely valid point to JB's position, that taking the moral high ground seems more like ceding the ground. AND THAT IS JUST IF NOT MORE DANGEROUS. And while it seems like some are not consulting with you or are going behind your back is not productive. And even though their message is dangerous it is also very dangerous to have no, or even one less voice in that conference. So like JB I ask that you reconsider. If for no other reason than how dangerous it will be to give up the ground you have gained.
ReplyDeleteI have lived six decades on the receiving end of exclusion. A majority of family and fellow church members have judged me unfit as a full heir of Heaven. How alarming--and yes, life-threatening--to be shunned! It has been a long, slow evolutionary path that has brought me to unconditional self-love and a community of like-minded peers. Heaven! Will we now turn and exclude those who excluded us? Shun those who don't yet share our light?
DeleteAfter 60 years, I realized that we are dealing with GOD addicts. More dangerous than any drug addict if they don't get their own way.
DeleteThat is why I won't attend either.
Thank you Mitch for your strength and integrity. As a Mormon and straight former spouse of a gay man. I have been so discouraged by the direction that the Mormon culture and church has taken. I stand with you. The preachings of Northstar and Josh Weed only bring bitter pain and false hope.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your thoughts, Mitch. It's sad to hear that a once beneficial organization is headed in a worrying direction. I admire your courage to share your opinion.
ReplyDeleteMitch,
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do not share your views on some issues, I have always appreciated you and the work you do for fellow gay Mormons. I believe you are sincere, and it saddens me that you feel my participation diminishes the conversation. North Star helped save my life, and it provides support for gay members of the Church who wish to live lives congruent with Church teachings. I realize our position does not resonate with all, and that's ok. I think we would do gay youth a disservice by not letting them know it is possible to remain faithful to the gospel. I am grateful organizations exist that provide support for those who don't want to, or feel they can't support current doctrine because we are all Father's children and need community and understanding. I believe there is room for all voices in the conversation about what is available for gay members of the Church. I hope you will reconsider.
Sincerely,
Steven Frei
Good for you, Mitch. I am proud of you.
ReplyDelete"North Star encourages LGBT Mormons to view themselves as broken and afflicted"
ReplyDeleteAs part of North Star's leadership, this statement bothers me severely. This is not at all what North Star stands for. We offer community and solace for those individuals still desiring to follow the Gospel they hold to be true. We don't try to beat them up or and "encourage them to """change""" (such a loaded word) or suppress their orientation."
We simply hope to offer peace in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I think you have a very incorrect and skewed perception about what North Star is and does.
I admit I don't follow any of the current events of any of you BUT you claiming you're an active lds person and saying you can't endorse something (as a whole the conf) trying to help the conv. and people affected by the churches stance sounds more counteractive because the churches stance is one of self hate.
ReplyDeleteMitch, I understand your stand and position. But Circling the Wagons has a lot of good to offer (like Lee Beckstead). I disagree with the organizers decision to include some of these polemical figures, but it's in line with Mormon Stories philosophy of listening to people with lots of perspectives. I fear like you, that harm can come from this.
ReplyDeleteIt's really difficult when something we love no longer aligns with our beliefs of what's best. Sending love.
ReplyDeleteI know... Let's go back in time before blacks were given the priesthood and create an LDS conference that supports equality- A conference that gives voices to the pain and struggle of faithful blacks in the church. A conference that says we can do better and be better. Then let's call in a Mormon speaker who thinks black people are great but are inferior based on scriptures in the bible - just for the sake of dialogue and of getting all perspectives - Just for the sake of those who want to continue supporting the church's stance of inequality- Just for the sake of those who think things are just fine the way they are, but we just need to show a little more love to those unfortunate souls. Let's tell the black people who are attending that if they are righteous enough their dark skin will turn white as snow in the after life- and then they will be equal to us white people. That sounds like a perfect conference to promote equality.
ReplyDeleteDo we want a small circle or wagons and a one way bridge?
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your honest and frank thoughts, well-written. Thanks.
ReplyDelete(Cross-posted from FB comments:)
ReplyDeleteMitch, I have to say I am uncomfortable with this. I can understand your frustration at not being consulted about the inclusion of these speakers, but I really don't think this is a reasonable way to respond. From its beginnings Circling the Wagons has always been about inclusion: they included North Star in their very first conference. It was clear that CtW didn't advocate North Star's positions but that they welcomed a broad range of perspectives because they are about inclusion rather than exclusion. I don't understand, if you couldn't support that, why did you choose to get involved in the first place?
While I agree with your concern about the potential harmfulness of giving a platform for negative messages about non-heterosexual orientations, last year's CtW was extremely positive, and I'm just not seeing yet why I should believe that this year's won't be the same. Inviting Josh Weed and Steven Frei does not equate with parents rejecting their kids and putting them at risk of suicide -- that's the exact opposite of what Circling the Wagons is about. Your reasoning boils down to the fact that there are certain people coming and presenting who you don't want to be associated with, who you don't want to be included. I don't understand why you would want to try to destroy an opportunity for people with different viewpoints to come together in acceptance and mutual understanding.
There are many people in mixed-orientation marriages; what about their lives and their risks for suicide? It seems like implying that they're not welcome to speak or share their stories at the conference is to effectively leave them out in the cold. It sends the message that if people like them come to the conference then they must remain silent, because we find their experiences threatening. And from what I understand, that kind of exclusion is the opposite of what Circling the Wagons is about.
You agreed that Josh Weed does not try to tell everyone to follow his path of marrying a woman -- and in fact he has stated publicly that he does not believe in orientation-change therapy. And according to North Star's values statement they take "no official position on the origin or mutability of homosexual feelings and attractions"; and from what I know of Steven Frei, I would be very surprised if he presented the kind of negative message that you seem to assume he would.
Steven Frei and another member of North Star leadership have responded here on your blog. I'm not active LDS nor involved in North Star, and I don't subscribe to that ideology, but I hope that you will listen to them and consider what they're saying, and consider the possibility that you have caused harm to them as well as the conference and the community as a whole.
I'm not involved with the CtW organizing, and if it turns out that this year's is dominated by anti-gay talks, then I'll be the first to say that you were right, that you made the right choice. But at this point I guess I'm unconvinced that this is actually true. I am just not convinced yet that the message of CtW this year is really going to be one of suppressing & changing one's orientation, instead of being about love, inclusion, support, and affirmation, as it has been in the past.
"I'm not getting my way so I'm going to take my toys and go home!"
ReplyDeleteThere is no "one way" to deal with SSA in the context of the Church's doctrine. But there is only one way, truth and light to get back Home; we know that commandments are there for a reason, and not open to interpretation. I didn't ask for SSA in my life, but I can't change the hand I was dealt. All I can do is play it the best I can. I don't feel like I struggle with SSA any more than I struggle to live any of the rest of the commandments; I just do it, come what may and love it. If I had to live my entire life celibate, so be it. I don't think judging others for how they choose to deal with SSA accomplishes anything, and the last thing any of us needs is more guilt that we're not fitting into yet another pre-set paradigm.
ReplyDeleteBravo, Mitch! Inviting a dangerous, fraudulent huckster like Weed to a conference that purports to "support" GLBT people and "promote dialogue" should be deeply offensive to any thoughtful person. If that's what it takes to be "inclusive," then they should rush right out and find some of the old electro-shock "therapists" associated with BYU. After all, those quacks were every bit as "supportive" and qualified as Weed.
ReplyDeleteGawd Mormons love to argue. LOVE. TO. ARGUE.
ReplyDeleteDo what your heart, and conscience tell you friend.
Do not respond, engage, or entertain any more "arguments" as to why you've left the organization so publicly. You're a public figure now, it's your responsibility to make notice.
You are loved for the AUTHENTIC person you are. People who hide don't like that.
I support your decision whole-heartedly and you don't owe ANYONE a reason for your actions. Not ANYONE.
Seriously, DE-LETE.
I LOVE IT!!! It's SO TRUE! Mitch, you don't need to respond to anyone's statements on why you need to reconsider: your stance of not going MAKES A STATEMENT THAT CANNOT BE IGNORED: THUS, YOUR POWER WILL BE STRONGER AND THE LIGHT WILL SHINE FOR THE LGBTQ YOUTH!! GODSPEED BROTHER!
DeleteJulian Keippel
I LOVE IT!!! It's SO TRUE! Mitch, you don't need to respond to anyone's statements on why you need to reconsider: your stance of not going MAKES A STATEMENT THAT CANNOT BE IGNORED: THUS, YOUR POWER WILL BE STRONGER AND THE LIGHT WILL SHINE FOR THE LGBTQ YOUTH!! GODSPEED BROTHER!
DeleteJulian Keippel
I have appreciated the support of North Star over the past year as I've tried to get my head and heart around my SGA. In all that time I have not experienced the North Star agenda you are referring to. In fact, quite the opposite has been encouraged. I am now able to look myself in the mirror and not only accept my SGA but embrace it. North Star has helped me do that, and the Holy Ghost has been my teacher.
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome to express whatever opinions you personally have, but please don't fabricate a label for North Star or on any other organization or person that is not valid or true.
The message of North Star has been such a light in my life. It has directed me in my return to covenants with the Lord and to a life within the law of chastity as taught by the Church. I want to share that light, and will be attending the conference in November to learn as much as I can to better serve others in their search for understanding and the path to happiness--the Lord's way.
We have never met but you were one of the first people who greeted me as I started coming out. We don't correspond that often, but any time I had a question you were quick to respond, in spite of your busy schedule. You have always supported my right to make my decisions, such as resigning from the church. I support you and your right to make your decisions. I am sure this was very difficult. I understand, especially since you know too well the feelings that lead people to think about and sometimes commit suicide.
ReplyDeleteI just realized I forgot to say I agree with your decision. I would be very hesitant to attend CTW with the two presenters as someone who has recently come out. I think it would be very diffucult for a yonger person to attend.
DeleteI am honestly trying to understand why a gay man living a celibate life is acceptable and a gay man living with a female companion is not. Neither one seems like a good recommendation for the vast majority of gay men.
ReplyDeleteOthers on here have spoken eloquently already, but I feel I have to address your reaction here from a perspective you may not have thought of.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was back home before coming to China for my current job, I met someone in my home ward who I came to care about deeply. I had the suspicion that he was gay, and as I myself was moving toward a more general coming-out and acceptance of myself, I began to really notice some of the harm that the Church cultural environment inflicts on gay people, or rather to be more aware of specifically how it was happening.
It's one thing to feel that directed at me my whole life and come to just take it for granted, but even just the suspicion that this other person who I cared about was going through this tore at me, and he became a big part of my inspiration for getting more involved (in a small way) in the Mormon LGBT community and trying to figure out ways to lessen the widespread unnecessary hurt.
When I came out to my ward, this friend came out to me, and I was shocked to find that he was in a much more intellectually constricted space than I had been in years, despite his being my senior by a couple years. I had a couple conversations with him that deeply shook me because I could not see how he could be brought out of the destructive cycle of thoughts that are gradually wearing on him and will bring him possibly into danger as they mature and bear tragic fruit, whether in the form of a general "hard landing," a dramatic break off from his tradition, or something much worse.
I worry about this friend. I worry about the demographic he represents. It's people like him who are precisely the demographic that are at real risk of suicide.
This friend of mine will not, CANNOT do something like come to a Circling the Wagons Conference. He is not even in a place where he could even go to an Evergreen Conference!
Maybe, though, he can feel comfortable enough to read some postings on North Star, because they are "safe." Maybe they can help him come to himself and move away gradually from the dangerous ground on which he sits. An organization like North Star is necessary because for some people it is the only resource they CAN turn to.
Anyway, if your purpose is to prevent suicide, your current attitude appears to me to be preferring the "moral high ground" of preaching to the choir rather than mucking about in the reality experienced by those in Church culture actually at risk in their native mental/spiritual/whatever environment.
As I type that, I realize that's an unfair characterization because you have done and do so much to help so many different types of people. Here, though, with this position, you seem to be shutting out a possible avenue of reaching one of the demographics that is most at risk.
Trev: Bless you as you minister to your friend. You are very important to him. I don't see how, silently looking at postings on North Star or elsewhere would be so difficult, and could help him know he is not alone. Prayers for both of you.
DeleteWow, I wonder if PLAG would invite PFOX to their national convention? Just wondering.
ReplyDeleteI was able to attend the Circling the Wagons conference. It was a great experience. I'm a gay man who is in a MOM, and trust me, it is nothing that I would recommend for anyone. The views expressed by all speakers were very respectful, and NO ONE recommended marriage for a LGBT individual to a straight spouse.
ReplyDeleteBecause of my personal circumstances, part of me didn't feel comfortable there. Would others judge me harshly for the way I live my life if they knew? Seeing gay couples sitting in front of me doing small acts of affection to their partners made me really long for that. I attended the conference by myself because I felt awkward enough as it was without my wife being there.
Although I attend church and hold callings, my faith has left me, and I think that without my family, there is no way I would ever attend church again. I was completely caught off guard by a man who was married to another man and yet would participate in his ward as he was able. That is something I would never consider, but I was moved by his faith story.
Every speaker was respectful. Josh Weed's talk lambasted those who would use his personal life story to harass other gay men to get married. It was moving and powerful. He in no way marginalized anyone else for the choices they make in for their lives. And despite his extreme stress and worry, I believe that people showed him kindness as well.
Anyway, I just wanted to share my experiences from the conference. I think my eyes were watering through half of it as I tried to keep my emotions under control. I'm a better person for it.