Last week members of BYU’s USGA (Understanding Same
Gender Attraction) organization produced
a video featuring LGBT BYU students talking openly about the struggle they
face as gay Mormons. What’s profound here is the honesty with which these
students talk about issues that we as Mormons don’t normally approach:
depression and suicidal thoughts.
One vital way to keep LGBT
Mormon youth from reaching this critical point is to help parents and extended
communities recognize how their behavior affects LGBT youth. The Family Acceptance Project
has produced the first LDS-based materials to help families and communities
understand what helps gay kids, and what increases their risk for depression
and suicide. These materials—which you can download free
online—are the first faith-based suicide prevention resources to be named
as a Best Practice by The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. They
artfully blend rigorous scientific research with the best parts of Mormon
faith—the part that teaches us to love unconditionally, like our Savior loves.
It’s no secret that the
LGBT youth suicide rate in Utah
is well above the norm, and while talking openly about the isolation and other
factors that contribute to those numbers is becoming a bit more common, what I
like is the students have done a remarkable job of overshadowing the bleak
times with a powerful message of hope. To hear this message from our peers is a
big step, and an encouraging one.
I spoke with Adam White of
USGA at BYU this weekend, and we talked in depth about the video. With his
permission, I’m reposting part of that conversation.
Mitch: I think your video
is a good one—and I admire the honesty of those who spoke. One of the most
striking moments is one student’s candor about a disturbing lesson we’re all
taught as gay Mormons: that being gay is a mortal experience and upon leaving
this life, each of us is released from the bondage of being gay and is made
straight. Like the student in the clip, many gay Mormons (including me) don’t
find this to be comforting. In fact, I’ve heard from many who look at as the
opposite: it’s almost an incentive to want to take their own lives.
Adam: I had never thought
about that teaching in that way before, and I remember the first time I heard
it, it perplexed me. It still does. I don’t know of any Mormon precedent or
scriptural basis about our orientation disappearing in the afterlife—for gay
people or straight. What’s troubling to me is we’re sending our youth that
message often in the very moments they’re most vulnerable. I think it warps the
way we see ourselves as gay Mormons to believe we’ll be someone else when we
leave here. At its worst, it could very well leave depressed and suicidal gay
Mormons with the message that is best to die.
Mitch: But the video also
stresses something I’ve said for a long time: the importance of our own individual relationship with our Savior. I know from experience that our Savior
is our constant companion—he know us personally and walks right beside us in
this life, if we let Him. Your video sends a great message to gay Mormons to
remind them of that fact. And I’d take it a step further and remind them that
despite messages about our worth here or eternally, or any other message that
damages our understanding of ourselves in the eyes of our Savior, that
relationship belongs solely to us. It is as deep and meaningful as we choose to
make it. We have not only the personal power to build that relationship, but
the right to do so—whether or not we’re active inside the Mormon faith.
Adam: I agree! At the
center of our Gospel is Christ—and our personal relationship with Him. This is
one of the most powerful messages for me personally—if we think about the
atonement and that Christ knows what it’s like to be LGBT—the stigma, the
isolation, the rejection. This message alone brings hope to many who feel like
no one understands what they’re going through. But our Savior does—he’s lived
it personally. Knowing that our older brother has walked this before us, so he can
not only empathize but help, I think there is so much hope here. When we
remember what our Savior has experienced, we find healing, we find
compassion—sometimes when it feels impossible to find that from any human. The
hope of our Savior was at the center of our minds as we made this video.
Mitch: One of the
questions I always get is people wondering how I reconcile standing for the
LGBT community and still being Mormon. What do you say when you hear that
question?
Adam: Well, I know from
personal experience it’s difficult to be in that space between two communities
that have been at odds for very powerful reasons on both sides. And at the same
time, I recognize and respect my identity, and I also love my faith. I believe
in the potential we have as Mormons to do good in this world, to be
compassionate, and to be examples of our Savior. Being a gay Mormon and seeing
the other side of our faith—those who have been cast out for simply being who
they are—that’s hard to watch. To see Mormonism, which has been so good to me,
actually do harm to people that I know and love has deeply affected me. Because
I recognize our potential as a religion to do better, I don’t think I’ll ever
walk away. But I also fully recognize the gifts our Father has given to us as LGBT
people, and I firmly believe once we embrace our gay brothers and sisters their
strength will add to our own, and as a whole we’ll be much closer to Zion.
Mitch: One of the things I
grapple with is gay Mormon youth who live outside the country. It seems in the
past few months alone I’ve gotten dozens of emails and messages from gay
Mormons in their teens or early twenties, and they feel especially isolated. It
hurts my heart to hear their stories—and quite frankly, I fear for some of
them. When they’re in the states, it’s easier for me to help find others near
them, but when they’re in the Philippines,
China, or South and Central America our options are so much more limited in
terms of the kind of support we can offer them. What would you say to them?
Adam: Wow…the first thing
I would do is to let them know I recognize how difficult it is to be in that
situation. My heart goes out to them—and I fully understand how hopeless it
might seem. I’ve been blessed personally; even at BYU I have a community of
support. But I would remind my gay Mormon brothers and sisters outside the
country that our Savior loves them, exactly as they are—despite what others
might say. And I would say to them that these videos were made for them.
Your brothers and sisters here in America and at BYU—we know you’re
out there. We love you. We want you to stay with us—we need you. So does your
Savior.
Mitch: I’ve gone on record
to say that historically we haven’t done a very good job in the way we treat
and understand the LGBT community as Mormons. The same is true of LGBT people
within our own ranks. I think we fall far short of where our Savior wants us to
be. That’s one of the things I’ve worked to change over the past few years—kind
of holding up a mirror to my Mormon fellows, and allowed them to see the
reality of some of their behavior. Some of them haven’t really liked what
they’ve seen. What would be your ultimate dream when it comes to LGBT people
inside the Church?
Adam: I’m still kind of
forming that dream, I think. But a good place to start would be complete
open-door inclusivity for gay Mormons—the kind of inclusivity that Christ stood
for and taught. I think it would be great to one day have gay couples at church
with their own families, in our meetings and our activities, and have no one
even think twice about it. I think we need to recognize that the way LGBT
people struggle within their faith comes from a place of love. Meaning, they
aren’t just upstarts who are trying to be inconvenient. These are children of
our Father who deeply love this religion and want to stay precisely because of
their profound love of our Savior, and of the gospel.
Mitch: I couldn’t agree
more. And I think that’s why gay Mormons belong most of all.
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