Once in awhile, I get interrupted by well-meaning personal trainers offering advice on technique and form when I'm working out. Sometimes they're right, but sometimes they're not. Either way, I'm invariably surprised when someone approaches me and shares what they see to be the definitive right answer to a question I've never asked them. I can understand their motives, because once upon a time I, too, was someone who was certain I had the right answer for everyone's problems and I was compelled to share that right away! Suffice to say, my certainty and need to be right didn't always score me a lot of points with the humans around me. One thing I learned is unsolicited advice is seldom welcome.
Sometimes the same thing is true of those of us inside faith communities, including Mormonism. Based on fierce certainty that our way is the right way, and our God is the right God, we can feel entitled to share our enlightenment with those around us without considering the question, "Did they ask?"
What works better for me today is striving to embody the peace and mindfulness I get from my spiritual practice and staying close to my Savior--while allowing others the dignity to walk their own path. Sometimes it means people will ask my opinion about things of a spiritual nature or beyond, and sometimes not. Either way, for me, it's more like living a gospel of attraction instead of a gospel of promotion. After all, I try to look to my Savior in all things, and one of His mantras was, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." It certainly wasn't, "I stand at the door and shout and will continue until you open up and do things my way, and if you don't open it I'll shout even louder!!"
When I'm at my best--meaning I'm really putting the principles of my spiritual practice into my actions, words, and deeds--I'm a lot better equipped to deliver the message my Savior would have me deliver, and I'm pretty certain He'll bring the people into my life who may learn from me--and me from them.
I continue to learn to be honest with myself. I will not use my spiritual practice as an excuse to change others or tell them how to live. They have a Savior too, and it's not me. Trying to control how other people think and act disrupts my spiritual center and moves me away from my Savior. Instead, I strive to promptly admit my missteps and then put the focus back where it belongs: on me and my connectedness with my Savior.
Besides, I'm starting to believe that how I respond to someone's lack of interest in any message I might deliver is a far more powerful demonstration of my commitment to my Savior than any lengthy (and unasked for) testimony I could deliver.
Today, I will strive to bring my spiritual practice to life in my thoughts, words, and deeds--and allow others the dignity to walk their paths without my interference. Only when my focus is on my own spiritual growth can I genuinely be who my Savior wants me to be--for myself or anyone else.
So, it sounds like you hate the missionary program and efforts of the LDS Church. Coming, of course, from someone who never served a mission.
ReplyDeleteNot in the least--I say nothing here about our missionary program or the efforts of my Church. I think they're great and work in a lot of cases--it's how my parents found the Church, in fact, and for that I'm sure grateful. And as for serving a mission--gosh, speaking of things that sound like others, it almost reads like that's meant as a jab, but I'm sure it's not. Most gay Mormons end up serving missions of a lifetime, not just two years. And most of us quite enjoy it!
DeleteTwice now I tried to comment but it got deleted instead of published for some reason. Frustrating. So rather than try to write it all out a third time, let me just say I, for one, loved your post Mitch. Great expression of a needed lesson for all of us. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI think all three of these recent posts are very thought-provoking. My faith has been strengthened and informed by accepting people of other faith communities; I have learned a lot that way. For me, the way I do "missionary work" is by the way I live my life--I try to serve my Savior every day by serving my brothers and sisters. I'm not perfect at it, of course. From Duck's unkind comment, it appears that he or she leaped to a false conclusion. There are many ways, besides a formal mission, to serve a mission. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I've missed them for all these months!
ReplyDeleteI believe in this concept wholeheartedly. I've always felt that some strategies used in missionary work often equated to unsolicited advice, but I have a hard time dropping the counsel from the leaders of our church to go about, share, and invite. There's certainly more courage and vulnerability involved in the latter, but also a risk for offense that is real and ultimately, for many of us, debilitating. It's certainly easier to wait for others to ask, but perhaps the real difficulty there lies in living the gospel in a way that actually attracts people. Thanks Mitch for your paradigm-shifting thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAlex, so good to hear from you. When you were in my ward I always thought you and your wife were the benchmarks of this. Sure, you get the 'rules' very well. But you also grasp the bigger picture, and don't just talk about what our Savior would do, but roll up your sleeves and actually do it. I hold you both in the highest regard in that fashion.
DeleteUnsolicited advice is usually about "You are doing it wrong and my way is right." Sharing and inviting is more about "would you to share something wonderful with me?" We share what makes us happy and invite friends to activities and meetings when it seems appropriate. If they want to know then they ask questions. Missionary work seems to me to be much more in the "share and invite" category. It seems to me that you, brother Mayne are living the "share the gospel always - and if necessary use words" kind of life. Thank you for doing so!
ReplyDelete