Changing the way Mormons talk about gays

A repost of my wonderful Bishop's op-ed written about Family Acceptance Project's LDS materials designed to help keep LGBT Mormon youth and young adults safe, and help keep families together.

Yes, my Bishop makes me get up painfully early on Sundays, but the privilege to work with a man like this is well worth those missed hours of sleep.

Enjoy.
__________________________________________________________

I am going to use heartfelt, strong language as I stress the importance of a new, groundbreaking publication that has — in my opinion — the ability to save lives. Its subject matter is far too important to be ignored or taken lightly, especially when we regularly read about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender young people and adults who leave the Mormon Church, never mind the senseless loss of many to suicide.

Supportive Families, Healthy Children: Helping Latter-Day Saint Families with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Children, co-written by Caitlin Ryan, director of the Family Acceptance Project, and Bob Rees, a former LDS bishop, may well be the tool that gives Mormon families what they need to accept their LGBT children.

I am a physician and have provided clinical care to patients for 30 years. I am also a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and love my religion. I was recently released from my calling as a counselor in our stake presidency so that I could serve as a bishop — my third opportunity to do so. How members of this church treat LGBT people is, in many cases, not in keeping with what I feel is the doctrine of Jesus Christ.

This must change.

My wonderful ward is diverse and may have the distinction of having more gay Latter-day Saints than any other on the planet. Though I am straight, I have family members who are gay and who have patiently helped open the eyes of my understanding. It seems clear to me that while they have been here in mortality their only "choice" related to their sexual orientation is to be honest about who they are — sons and daughters of God who are gay.

My executive secretary is a wonderful member who is very open about being gay. His recounting of the bullying he had to endure as a youngster has moved me more than anything in my memory. Check out for yourself this powerful link. 

Working as a bishop in the Bay Ward, I have heard firsthand the stories of members who are gay and felt their pain as I work to bring them back into church activity. The emotional pain and isolation of LGBT members rejected by parents, friends and loved ones after coming out is more severe than any other I have yet experienced in my ministering, and it motivates me to continue in the work I am doing.

As a physician, I have learned the importance of evidence-based practice and the critical role of science in informing our understanding about human development, interaction and care. There is an urgent need to provide evidence-based guidance for LDS families with LGBT children and also more generally for our congregations as well. These new educational materials from the Family Acceptance Project are aimed to help LDS families and our church family support LGBT youths and adults, to reduce serious risk for suicide and HIV, to foster wellness and keep our families together. I feel strongly compelled to recommend these new materials to you — much good will come if you take the time to carefully study these well-researched documents and consider their application in your life.

We often use the term "closeted," relative to issues of same gender attraction. Because of the real fear of bullying and prejudices, this concealing of identities and inclinations continues today — especially among those who belong to our church. Good, solid epidemiology makes the math quite simple. Multiply your church membership numbers by 4 percent and you will have the number of gay members in your ward.

It is apparent to me that within the "culture" of our religion, widespread bullying is still occurring — and this extends across all age ranges. This is often done without malicious intent, but nonetheless, it inflicts serious and unnecessary emotional wounds.

One of my family members, who still has a strong, abiding testimony, has not attended church in several years. He states, "If they knew who I was, they would not want me there." Unfortunately, that is a reality. This ought not to be. Is this what Jesus would do if he were a member of your ward?

As LDS Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland has said, "Some members exclude from their circle of fellowship those who are different. When our actions or words discourage someone from taking full advantage of church membership, we fail them — and the Lord."

With humble hearts we all need to look inward to see if there are prejudices the Savior would have us cast off. Unconsciously, we may be guilty of bullying, ourselves.

A way out: Preventing suicide and homelessness for LGBTQ Mormon youth

A repost of my recent articles on Huffington Post and The Advocate, talking about the importance of new work from The Family Acceptance Project that helps the Mormon community understand how to support their LGBT children in a way that honors our faith and eliminates the illusion that we must choose between our children and our church.

Download your copy of the materials here.

___________________________________________________________

I am not your typical gay man. Nor am I your typical Mormon. For the past nine months, I have served as the executive secretary in the bishopric (the religious leadership) of my home ward in San Francisco, CA, as my authentic self—an openly gay, active Latter-day Saint.

For years, I’d been writing about my experiences as an openly gay Mormon and accepted this calling in a way that honors both my orientation and my faith. As with all callings in the Mormon faith, mine is both a duty and a privilege. It provides me with an opportunity—and a responsibility—to be of service to both the Mormon and the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) communities, and help those around me better integrate deep and often conflicted parts of their lives.

Over the course of the past nine months, thousands of LGBTQ Mormons and their families have reached out to me to offer their support, and in many cases, to ask for mine. I have, because of the position in which I have been placed, become the repository of stories of deeply wounded women, men and youth who struggle greatly to understand how LGBTQ Mormons fit inside our faith.

I’ve been quite open about my own turbulent past growing up as a gay Mormon. As a youth, I tried and failed to kill myself. My life was given back to me. But many are not so fortunate. While no formal statistics of gay Mormon youth suicide exists, most estimate it to be between four and nine time the national average.

For each of us—of Mormon faith or none at all—every LGBTQ youth lost is a loss we feel personally, whether we recognize it or not. Among those we’ve lost are potential leaders who could have contributed to make the world a better place. We may have lost the next Nobel Laureate. We may have lost the scientist who would have discovered a cure for cancer – or the skilled orator who could have brokered peace between troubled nations.

But now there is hope that this can change. On June 15, The Family Acceptance Project released an LDS version of their evidence-based, family education booklet that enables families and communities to support LGBT youth in a way that reduces their risk for substance abuse, diminishes their risk for STDs including HIV, and dramatically reduces suicide and depression risk.

When I met with Dr. Caitlin Ryan, Director of the Family Acceptance Project, and saw these materials, I was amazed at how skillfully she and her team had blended the compelling science of her research with the best parts of the Mormon faith—the parts that carry with them true compassion and Christ-like love. Dr. Ryan left me by myself in the conference room when we neared the close of our meeting. What she never saw—and what I’ve never shared before today—is how intensely I cried in those moments I was alone.

I mourned for my Mom, who wanted so much to do the right thing and keep me safe, yet, without the resources to understand and support me, instead told me it would have been better for her if I had been born dead than gay.

I mourned for my Dad, who also loved me, but lacked the tools to deal with his gay son—and instead told me I should change, that I had bitterly failed him, and then withheld his love and companionship from me for the bulk of my life.

I mourned for my 16 year-old self, trapped inside a cycle of isolation and despair, with nowhere to turn. I mourned for the years I spent trapped inside self-loathing and depression, and I grieved the many subsequent bad decisions I made that exacerbated my pain and low self-esteem. And I wondered how my life would have been remarkably different if I, my parents, my teachers and my ecclesiastical leaders had access to research that demonstrated unequivocally how to keep LGBT youth safe.

But I also felt gratitude. More than anything, I was deeply grateful this kind of research was finally available—and for what this means not only for Mormons, but for the LGBTQ community as a whole: We don’t have to wonder how to keep our gay youth from killing themselves anymore. Our solution is here.

This is not marketing based on focus groups. It is not speculation. It is not opinion—even ecclesiastical opinion. This is science. For LGBTQ Mormons and their families, this is a lifeline of hope that has not existed before. Gone are the days where Mormon parents—many armed with good intentions but alarmingly little data—feel compelled to choose between their children and their faith. Family relationships are a cornerstone to our faith—and we’re taught that “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.” David O. McKay. The Family Acceptance Project materials have eliminated the illusion of that horrible Sophie’s Choice.

As my LGBTQ fellow, I want you to share this information with your friends, your families, and your networks—independent of faith. This is an opportunity for us as well—to help the most vulnerable among us emerge healthier, happier, and grow up in an environment dramatically better than the one many of us experienced.

This is our chance to do for others that which we wish had been done for us.

Commentary from a straight ally marching in San Fancisco Pride

On Sunday, June 24, over 100 LGBT Mormons, their families, and allies marched in the San Francisco Pride Parade. A friend of mine from my home ward in Oakland shared this letter with me describing her experiences that day.

With her permission, I share it with you here. I think one of my favorite things is her closing--"Thank you, LGBT community, for making Mormons feel welcome among you. Let's see more of each other."

Couldn't have said it better myself.

You can read more accounts of Mormons marching in San Francisco Pride here:

Religion Dispatches

Affirmation blog


The Bloggernacle "It's all about the hat"


_________________________________________________________

Today I marched as a member of Mormons for Marriage Equality in the SF Pride Parade.  I was a bit concerned about the reception from the LGBT community and the parade viewers would be.  To my delight, the crowds were warm and accepting of - and even enthusiastic about -  my group.  Some people looked delightedly surprised to see us.  After the parade, as I settled my aging body into my BART seat for the trip home, a lesbian mother sat down next to me with her son on her lap.  I apologized for not giving her son my seat because I was aching from marching.  Her partner, who was standing in the aisle, asked me what contingent I was with.   I said, “Mormons for Marriage Equality.”  She responded with, “That was the group I came to see” and gave me a thumbs up. Her comment made my day and my marching (and the aches and pains) worth my efforts.  Thank you, LGBT community, for making Mormons welcome among you.  Let’s see more of each other.

Pam Condie

Oakland

How I cultivated my realtionship with my Savior

I’ve talked frequently about the importance of developing your own understanding of and relationship with your Savior. It is a fundamental relationship that matters to each of us—and it is one that, for me, was not about church. It wasn’t about any specific religion at all. It was simply about building my own personal understanding of a Savior who would be with me anywhere at anytime—not just one who was accessible for a few hours on Sunday.

This relationship gives me humble confidence. It enables me to do things that I could never do alone. It gives me strength to walk through challenges and overcome obstacles that, through my mortal eyes, seem terrifying and insurmountable.

It gives me grace.

And I want you to have that, too. Too often we let others define our relationship with our Savior, but it is one we and we alone must cultivate, manage, and own.

In this Mormon Expression Podcast, for the first time, I share a deeply personal part of my spiritual practice and explain how I did it—and I hope it works for you. I know that for me, the best way to keep my spiritual gifts is to give them away.

And in that spirit, I give this one to you.

Enjoy. 

 http://mormonexpression.com/voices/2012/06/13/32-mitch-maynes-personal-faith/

Coming Out as an LDS Parent of a Gay Child

Guest post from a new--and very amazing--friend, Bryce Cook. This article is so wonderful it doesn't even need an introduction, other than to say I am blessed to have Bryce on this path with me.

You can reach Bryce directly at brycercook@yahoo.com or leave a comment for him here. 

Enjoy.

_______________________________________________________

To all our friends and family, we feel that it’s time to be open and honest about something that we have kept silent for a long time. Many of you already know this, or may have heard secondhand, so I want you to hear it directly from me (and Sara): our oldest son, Trevor, is gay. You may wonder why we would share this information publicly (and of course it’s with Trevor’s permission). I will tell you why, but first let me share our story.

“Mom and Dad, I know this will come as a shock to you, but I am same-sex attracted.” Those were the words in a long letter Trevor had written to us when he was 18 and a freshman at BYU. “Shocked” did not adequately express how we felt when we read those words.  How could this be?, we thought.  We were a faithful Mormon family, we had regular family prayer and scripture study, we had a very positive, loving relationship with our children. And how could this happen to Trevor, a young man as honest, upright and moral as any young man I knew? It’s just not possible!

As I continued reading, I saw the great turmoil he had gone through over the last four years while trying to come to grips with this – the feelings of guilt, self-loathing, failure, shame. So strong were those feelings that he couldn’t even confide in his parents. Why didn’t he tell us sooner?, I wondered. Why couldn’t he tell his own parents? We always had a very open and loving relationship and could talk about anything with him. My wife, Sara, remembers a particular time when Trevor was a young man in high school. She saw him in his room looking very down and distraught. She pled with him to tell her what was the matter, but all he could do was look at her and cry; he couldn’t – wouldn’t – tell her about his secret because he didn’t want to shame us. He wanted to bear the burden alone, to spare us the grief.

He was also afraid.

Afraid to disappoint us, to admit he was a “failure” as a son, to acknowledge that he was one of those “awful gays” he had heard me talk about. Yes, sadly, I must admit that up until that time, I was homophobic and had very un-Christlike feelings towards gay people. Even worse, because of my attitudes and feelings, I had probably unwittingly contributed to the silent agony my son had suffered for so long and made him afraid to tell us for fear of hurting us or not knowing how we would take it. By the grace of God, he had not been driven to suicide, as too many gay LDS youth have. The one outlet that perhaps kept him from reaching the breaking point was his decision to tell our Bishop one summer when our family were all away on a back packing trip that Trevor had to miss due to work. While this good Bishop couldn’t answer all Trevor’s questions, he at least assured Trevor that he was not a bad person, that God still accepted him and that he had no reason to feel any shame or guilt. As long as he didn’t act on his feelings of attraction, he was still worthy in the eyes of God and the church and could still go on a mission and serve in any church calling.

From that point, Trevor began to accept himself as he was. He was able to forge ahead with more confidence in himself and continue to plan for college and a mission. When he finally came out to us in that letter almost nine years ago, we were shocked and saddened; but we let him know that no matter what, he was our son and we loved him. We also secretly held the hope that somehow, some way, he might be able to change.

The change, however, occurred in us.

One thing that changed immediately was our attitudes about gay people. We knew that if someone as honest, moral and committed to the gospel as Trevor was could be gay, then pretty much everything we thought we knew about being gay was just plain wrong. So the first thing I did was to educate myself on the subject. I studied some of the scientific research on it. I read church leaders’ statements on same-sex attraction, which in recent years have evolved significantly. And I read and listened to the experiences of numerous LDS gay men and women. These stories – like my son’s experience – are what particularly changed our hearts. From all this study and from my discussions with Trevor, I would like to share with you some of the important things we have learned:

(1) Being gay is not a choice. Science and psychology have recognized this for a long time, and even the church has come to recognize this in recent years. I have read some of the scientific research (mostly from Bill Bradshaw, a BYU biology professor and former mission president), which is quite compelling. But more compelling than the science is the experience and testimony of numerous faithful LDS gay people, including my own son. They sincerely tell us that they never chose to be attracted to the same sex; in fact many have tried in various ways to ignore it, fight it or change it – but it doesn’t go away. Moreover, why would an honest, faithful young man or woman ever choose to be gay in our church and suffer the shame, guilt and rejection that too often come with it? Those who doubt this proposition should ask themselves, did I ever have to make a conscious decision to like and be attracted to the opposite sex, or was it natural and instinctive? Likewise, it is natural and instinctive for those who are attracted to the same sex.

(2) Sexual orientation doesn’t change. Again, the experience of numerous faithful LDS gay people can’t be ignored. As Bill Bradshaw observes, “honesty compels us to consider the experience of a very large number of LDS gay people, who in spite of exhaustive, lengthy, and totally sincere efforts have not been able to change the fact of who they are sexually. A testimony of the gospel, faithful church activity, fasting, prayer, missionary service, temple service – all of these are important, but none, in any combination, has been able to alter sexual orientation.” Any doubters should ask themselves, is there anything that would cause me to lose my feelings towards the opposite sex and be attracted to members of the same sex?

(3) Being gay is not just about sex – any more than being heterosexual is just about sex. Gay people are no different than straight people when it comes to relationships. Like all human beings, they desire emotional, spiritual and physical attachment. They feel the same compulsion to fall in love, find a companion and share their life with someone. The desire for physical intimacy is just one aspect of the spectrum of feelings and emotions that humans, whether gay or straight, experience in a relationship.

As we learned these things, we became comfortable with who Trevor was; and we no longer felt a need to hope for things that were not to be. As for Trevor, he served a great mission, graduated from BYU and is now on his way to China, working for the U.S. State Department. He is still an active, temple-going Mormon – and of course he is still gay.

So now we come to the part where you may be wondering why I feel the need to share this with everyone. As I learned more about my gay brothers and sisters, actually met them and talked with them, I came to love them. I also gained great empathy for them. I have seen too much pain and suffering, mistreatment and rejection – all because of ignorance, fear and misunderstanding. As long as this subject is taboo and people are too afraid or intimidated to speak about it, then young gay people in the church will continue to suffer as Trevor did. There will be bullying, fear and self-loathing – even suicide. We will continue to lose too many wonderful gay men and women (and often their families) because they feel unwanted and unwelcome among us.

This should not happen in the church. This is why Sara and I have decided that we can no longer be silent, closeted parents. We don’t want to be a part of the problem. We want all gay people, particularly that young man or woman in our midst who is silently suffering with nowhere to turn, to know that we love them and support them. We are there for them and for their family if they need help, encouragement or understanding. The church at this time has no official outreach or instruction on this subject, other than a few statements over the years and a pamphlet. Local leaders are mostly left on their own on how to counsel gay members. Among other things, my wife and I have spoken with our local church leaders about our willingness to be a resource to help educate fellow members and especially to help individuals and families who just need someone to talk to. As we have begun to reach out and be more public, we have been able to help other LDS people dealing with this issue. Here is a personal note I received a few days ago after sharing this story in another post:

I thought your post on the Mormons Building Bridges website today was AMAZING!!! As a member of a bishopric of a ward in [withheld] with many gay members, I have a handful of young men who struggle with the feeling that it would be better to take their own lives than to have their parents find out. I have shared your story with them in hopes that it will give them the courage to talk with the people that love them most and that the response will be as loving as yours was.

The next day, I received a follow-up message that made me gasp, and reinforced how important it is to be more open about this topic:

I have a 23-year-old returned missionary I have been trying to help for the past couple of months wrestle with this issue. So far, I had been the ONLY person he had told and he had been agonizing over when/if he should tell his parents. Early yesterday afternoon, I sent him your post from the MBB wall. Soon thereafter, he sent me an email back, confessing that, just yesterday morning, he had gone out and bought a gun because he had convinced himself that that would be a better option than bringing shame and disgrace to his family. However, after reading your post, he resolved instead to tell his parents and hope they would be as understanding as you were. I totally see God's hand in the timing of this sequence of events to reach down and use the tools at his disposal to save the life of one of his hurting children. When the stress of that conversation was over, I couldn't help but weep at how many OTHER people there might be out there now, contemplating a similar fate, with no one to turn to.

Now there is probably a tendency to believe that we don’t really have that many gay people in our church here locally, so why all the fuss? Sure it’s an issue in Los Angeles, the Bay area and other urban areas, but not in our conservative, religious community, right? I think you would be surprised if you really knew. We know because we have met a number of LDS young gay men who are from here. These are wonderful young men who have served missions, who are talented, kind and loving and who have so much to offer the church. Sadly, the majority of them are outside the church, even those who still believe and identify as LDS. Which brings me to my final point.

To be members of the church in full fellowship, gay members must make a sacrifice of supreme proportions. They are not allowed to fall in love, show physical affection, or be married to those to whom they are naturally attracted. They are required to be completely celibate. Some might argue that their situation is no different from people who are handicapped or who never had the opportunity to marry; such a comparison is not accurate. Unlike those who lack the emotional/mental capacity or people to whom the marriage opportunity never came, gay people are just as capable as heterosexual people of having a loving, monogamous relationship.

To give it a personal perspective, if you were told that you could not marry or that you had to give up your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend in order to retain your membership in the church, how would you choose? Thankfully, most of us don’t have to make such a difficult decision. But most gay people do. And because falling in love and having someone to share your life with is such a major part of our earthly experience (and a major focus of the church), the great majority of gay people at some time or another choose that path.

My only purpose in bringing up this point is so that we might have an extra measure of empathy and compassion for our gay brothers and sisters. So that we might welcome them with open arms into our congregations, without judgment or condemnation, but with love and acceptance, no matter their status or circumstances. I’m simply asking that we love them as the Savior does. That, my family and friends, is my plea.

While this has probably been too wordy already, there are many things that have been left unsaid. If you have any questions, please feel free to talk to me, Sara or Trevor.

With love, Bryce and Sara Cook

My relationship with my Savior

The other day I met with a friend of mine—a non-Mormon, very spiritual man who has committed much of his life to Christ-like service within the LGBTQ community. He is kind, wise, and it is remarkably easy to see my Savior very much alive in both the words and the actions of this man.

We ended up, as we usually do, talking about things of a spiritual nature—specifically, about our own understanding of the nature of God."How," he asked, "do remain so confident about who you are and what you're doing in the face of so many who criticize you?"

Somewhere along the journey of my life, I shared, I bought into a notion of God as a punishing, spiteful, vindictive and judgmental God—quick to smite me if I made a misstep, and slow to love me again, if ever. This concept was resinscribed, it seemed, when I heard others (including leaders within my own faith) interpret scripture to say that God demands perfection and has a zero tolerance policy for those who commit transgression, whether it be by choice or by happenstance.

That was a dark and terrifying way to live. With that kind of vision of God, I had to live a faultless life, and if it were true that God has no tolerance for sin, then it would be up to me to perfect myself first, before I presented myself to Him. Worsening things was the consistent counsel to develop my own, personal relationship with God. Well, quite frankly, when I held a vision of Him as such a terrifying figure not only did I fear building a relationship with Him, but quite honestly imagined myself to have a better life on my own. After all, who wants to have someone—anyone—looking over our shoulder who is just waiting for us to mess up so they can condemn us?

I decided that I had to completely toss out what I thought I knew about my Savior and learn for myself. I began simply, just sitting in a room quietly and beginning to talk to Him the same way I would talk to a trusted friend. By experimenting with a combination of prayer (speaking to my Savior) and meditation (listening for His response) I began, over the course of a few months, to feel more comfortable with this new relationship. This step, for me, was not about church. It wasn’t about any specific religion at all. It was simply about building my own personal understanding of a Savior who would be with me anywhere at anytime—not just one who was accessible for a few hours on Sunday.

And over time, I came to an incredibly simple conclusion—my Savior is my best friend. He shares my hopes, my dreams, my heartache, and my failures. I am free to bring my entire self to this relationship—things that would have been off limits with my previous understanding of God—including intimacy and shortcomings.

Today, I can say anything to my Savior—He knows me that well. Even when I am not at my most eloquent, I can still express my feelings and thoughts stumblingly, and I know He understands my intent. At times, I get angry, like a little child, and kick and yell and want my own way. Then I get to apologize to Him, and through that process, our relationship deepens.

He knows my fears, my defects and my mistakes. He also knows my capacity, my worth, my assets and successes. He knows what I need and provides it for me, even when my sight is not keen enough to ask for it. He gently, and often with a great sense of humor, pushes me in the direction of His will for me. When I have questions, I know it’s okay to ask. My Savior never makes me feel stupid or wrong. He gives me choices—and when I make a mistake, it’s okay. That process only makes us closer.

Developing this relationship with my Savior didn’t only change my understanding of Him, I explained to my friend, it changed my life. Today, I can say with complete certainty, that I am much less reliant on the opinions, needs, and demands of others. I need no longer look outside myself for validation. When I'm right with my Savior, I don't really need to be right with anyone else, regardless of their title or position in my life. All the other stuff falls into place easily and effortlessly, or it falls away completely.

What a much better life it is to have Him as my friend, and to have shrugged off the concept of a God who wants me to suffer because of my mistakes.

Sure, there are those who say my version of my Savior is inaccurate and how I approach Him is even disrespectful—and they are free to have their own understanding of Him, as well. But for me, I’ve genuinely grown to believe that when it comes to my relationship with my Savior the only truly disrespectful thing I can do is to lie to Him, and bring some pre-packaged version of myself to our relationship. After all, He can’t really help me become the person we both want me to be if I am not rigorously honest with Him.

How will you cultivate your relationship with your Savior today?

LGBT anti-bullying rally-video

On May 3, 2012, in Ogden, Utah, in response to the latest LGBT youth suicide, OUTreach (a local LGBT center) hosted "A community stands up--Northern Utah addresses LGBT bullying and suicide." I recorded this video for that event and I've included a copy of the press release below.

In this video, I share a side of myself that I've never shared with anyone: no best friend, no family member, no bishop. But it is a message that must be delivered. And the message I want you to take from the video is this: Not only can we survive bullying, we can thrive. While what I went through growing up was painful, it helped fashion me into the man I am today--and gave me levels of compassion, forgiveness, and kindness that I would never have developed otherwise. I wouldn't wish it on anyone--but I wouldn't change a single moment of it, either.

My life now is amazing--I have a wonderful career, a supportive family, and a great interfaith network of friends who love me for exactly who I am--the same way my Savior does.

I am no one's victim. And I don't need anyone's apology to be happy.

And neither do you.

My video remarks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkkM6kDAQWQ&feature=youtu.be

For my friend Margot, who walks this path with me.

_____________________________________________________

(May 3, 2012, Ogden, Utah) In response to the latest LGBT youth suicide in Northern Utah, community leaders spoke out for an end to bullying in schools and related suicides. OUTreach, a LGBT Center located in Ogden, hosted: “A Community Stands up - Northern Utah Addresses LGBT Bullying and Suicide.”

Speakers included Kendall Wilcox, producer of the recent Brigham Young University Students “It Gets Better” video, who spoke through tears of his conversations with youth and adults who struggle with family and church support. Teacher Bonnie Flint in Davis County said her district received an email from a gay student who said he was being bullied and called names in the locker room. “I don’t think this should happen to anyone’s kids,” said Flint, a mother herself. “There are a lot of us who care, and we would do anything to help you.”

Jim Rollins, a straight father and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, took to the stage to let everyone at the vigil, regardless of who they were, know that they are loved. “I, in high school, I’m definitely guilty of using derogatory terms,” said one man. “I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that now. It’s because I love you, and it’s because I care.”

As the event concluded, over 250 candles were lighted, filling the amphitheater with light.  Religious leaders from diverse faith traditions offered prayers for the young lives that have been lost, and for healing, love, peace and action for change. 

Support from all over the country included active Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints members. Mormon Church priesthood leader, Mitch Mayne, who is also openly gay,

recorded a video for the event, sharing his experiences of being bullied in school and suicide attempts (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkkM6kDAQWQ&feature=youtu.be)

OUTreach Executive Director Marian Edmonds notes: “This is only the beginning. The

community response has been overwhelming that we must protect our children from bullying and homophobia. We must continue to press for the changes needed to ensure safety so that every child can grow up to adulthood. The community demands no less and we will continue to educate families, schools, congregations and our community hold forums, panels and rallies to organize channel this energy for positive change.”

Edmonds praised media coverage of the event which highlighted hope for change, especially the work of the Family Acceptance Project (FAP), an evidence-based approach that strengthens and helps families decrease their LGBT children’s risk and promote their well-being. (http://familyproject.sfsu.edu/)

The next community meeting, “Making Change: A Community Stands Up Against Bullying and Suicide” will take place May 17^th, 7:15 pm at the Ogden Library Main Branch Auditorium, 2464 Jefferson Ave., Ogden.